“To be or not to be?”



I haven’t done anything new since this year began. Everyone’s talking about it, the new things they wish to do “I am going to fight less with my boyfriend this year’, ‘I’m positive about learning to cook this year’, ‘i’m planning to learn to drive’. someone asked me ‘What are your plans?’ ‘What’s your resolution?’ And I am like… I didn’t think about it…..’Yet’, it was cool! I nimbled out replying. Truly, I didn’t imagine one ‘whole new beginning or whatever. I wanted to continue with the same routine, eccentrically I didn’t even wish acquaintances on new year’s, not even mum dad . I know it’s not a proud thing to say.
‘But I have made plans, set a goal to work towards it. But every now and then I look around drink it in because this is it, it might be gone tomorrow’. If my best friend is reading this he would say “she is Over-thinking” (WARNING: ***OVER-THINKING KILLS***). If my sister is reading this she would say “This is the age when your mind flows with thoughts and fervently you think a lot Sunny.” This is something which confuses me to cherry-pick between ‘to be or not to be’ an Over-Thinker!

I mingled with new people around. I held back a few of them. I don’t want to be feckless. And I promised that I am going to rise above around every situation.
Making sensible new friends than having insensitive few friends makes you thrive. Simpler meaning, we make friends, though they are not right to be with, we say I have to be around them because “I have 4 more years for my degree program completion, I’m supposed to be secure till then”. It’s absurd to me, but opt-able by many.
Remember. Friends are the family we choose, so honestly be around the best.
Holding back the ones who disappointed you just because you want them in your life is selfish, picking what you want for yourself isn’t. Why is doing  something for your, good, bad?
Being something which makes you comfortable is difficult because it makes you look stupid. Like, I seem pretty mature, knowledgeable, feminist sort of, intense, liable, tough and intrepid. But when I am not like how I listed before, if I act little quirky, people around are like, this is so not you! Here, I fall into the same loophole of “to be or not to be”, a Selfish?

Some say what you think matters it’s self-appealing. The other bunch tells what others think matters, it’s a first priority. The latter is assumed by my mother. She assumes “Clothes you wear are supposed to be adored by another, and not by oneself.” I don’t agree to that. But I nod my head up and down when she asks. Because it’s just that my opinion wouldn’t be valid in that very moment. So again, I’m in a dilemma between ‘To be or not to be’ Honest?

Shall. I tell you another thing? Off course otherwise why would you subscribe me?
‘At some point one has to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out .They fence you in. Life is messy. Super messy! That’s how we are made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them’.
Wait a sec… let me finish. Don’t conclude, ruminate that you can do whatever you want and it’s okay. I didn’t convey that at all. So stay.
Let’s say, you’re this impeccable, loving, and lovable person who is capable of holding someone’s hand so tight that you could make them feel secure. You catch a glimpse of this another person and you’re deeply fallen for him/her. Nonetheless, you are just friends. Or maybe friend zoned by him/her. And it goes on and on and on. You see him\her with loitering with her/his infatuation. “And you’re like ‘I know you better, than him/her, I am good for you” but you tell this to yourself and not to the person you like-love-adore. Because you drew a line, where you have to sail a ‘friend-ship’, you love more than you should and you don’t want to cross that line, get slapped and end up sad & drunk. You fear to face the loss. You’re a coward. In coming years you will grow old saying I didn’t pick up the courage tell him/ her….
I think it’s important to take time to tell the people how much you love them while they can hear you clear and loud. But this doesn’t mean every day you go walk up to someone and tell them ‘I like you, my deepest desire is to be with you’. Because that’s insane? You will like some love-struck idiot.even I am a coward just like you are. Never mind “Who isn’t?”Only the extraordinary is fearless ‘to be or not to be’ bound to love?’

What’s left?
A friend was saying the other day. I am an atheist. I fear nothing. Which is intensely LAUGHABLE!! Because although he announces that he is non believer of god, he cries after every damn exam “oh! God I so want to pass this paper” (he is going to clear, just that he wants people to notice that miraculously he scored the highest) looking up to the roof as if it’s the blue sky. ‘It’s yo! To be this disbeliever it personifies you are dauntless. But then again what is he up to? Is he a loath ‘to be or not to be’ a devout?

All of this basically if put into a word, it’s called “C-o-m-p-r-o-m-i-s-e.” We compromise ourselves while trying to avoid consequences. We put our cognizance and temperament and rub it against each other just like friction of an object which comes to rest. We don’t let instinct lets us slip and make a fool of ourselves. Simple as that.

and still the difficulty persists..
‘To be a writer from the gut or to be an uninterested doctor?
Whether ‘to be a listener or a speaker’
To be ‘an evil sadist or to be gleeful optimistic?’
To be ‘cheerful or to be glum ?’

To be ‘realistic or to be whimsical?’
To be ‘kind or to be brutal?’
To be ‘giving or to be saving?’
To be ‘mature or to be immature?’
To be ‘feared or to be fearless?’
To ‘love more or not to love anymore?’

 To think like a  ’20 or a  40……?’
So what do you wish ‘to be or not be?’
Put your thoughts and comments in that squarish box just below this piece of crap. *wink*

Happy new year and  happy valentines day.

Thanks for reading.
Good day!


23 thoughts on ““To be or not to be?”

  1. hey sania,
    I have been waiting for your new post. you took quite long , but its worth a wait actually *thumps up*

    to be something is challenging and not be something is fake. i have never thought this deeply about how i am . but just now i did find few of the tiny things.

    And that poem down there , does it defines you?Wonderfully portrayed. “TO SPEAK LIKE 20 OR 40”? LOL.
    really nice 🙂

    you too have a good day .
    thanks for writing.
    happy new year.

  2. Hmm.. . So deep Thoughts that always roll around the head ..!!! To be or not be??? … U wrote all our thinking.. Here.. It’s nice… . Ur really very Knowledgeable… KEEP GOING WELL..

  3. Hey sania,
    You definatly have turned 40 in gour 20’z

    You are doing great. It’s brilliant. Every word synchronizes with the other. Its simple and clearly understood whatever you wish to convey.

    All the best

  4. Being oneself is the toughest challenge!
    I agree each every incident you have managed to explain. It brings a smile to my face as i read it . Minor edits with the grammatics , but i guess your writting style is way different than anyone , it’s something special one hold.
    Keep flooding with thoughts sania.

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